Love you when you least deserve it.? Sometimes you make it so hard to do so, but I do. . very much. ©Denise Pena 2015
Woke up feeling numb she hadn’t drink for ten months. Not that she was an alcoholic, but by choice. She craved a cold frosty Budweiser, in a bottle. I mean why does a lady need a fancy glass it goes down either way? I mean does drinking out of fancy glass make you the women sexier or the beer? Well even so, it sounded very good to her about now. You see at the moment her heart ached. She had nothing to offer anyone not at all! She could not offer her kindness, not her love, not her compassion, not her promises, not her encouragement, not even an argument, but her words alone. She felt heartless she just did not care, and knew all she wanted was to rid this sober bore. She popped opened the cap carbon dioxide slowly releasing, she carelessly chucked the cap against the wall. Eyeballing it from a short distance she continued to gaze at the cap. Her OCD senses were tingling her impulses were trying to dominate. She very much wanted to get up and grab that cap, and any other time she would have. This time she was in control laughing out loud as she sat on the couch crossing one leg in front of another. Beer’s lined up across the table she was ready to board the chug express. Taking sips, yeah right! Not an option for her no way! She raced as she chugged, as her heart beat did, she did not want to feel anything! She wanted this quick pain away, relief prescription that she prescribed alone to numb her fast as possible. She wanted the pain and anxiety that she was feeling dispelled instantly. Cowardly as it may be she liked it, she was in control, nothing or anyone could hurt her. As she took a breath, she teared as the tears rolled down her cheeks onto her lips, she came to this notion that her soul escaped her. That’s why her spirit was so deathly. Be that so, she hated to come to terms that when her numbness was to wear off that she would have to face the rudeness of her reality. All the time perfectly knowing that beer was the real dominant force here. Shrugging, sigh, way to be a Debbie downer she thought. She sat high on her cocktail table, she pushed her hair back with her hands tugging downwards holding it in place. Did I mention before she was not an alcoholic? Ten beer’s later paralysis set in on her right hand. Her beer loosely slipped through her fingers, and hand. And shattered onto the floor! Echoing across her thin walls of her two story house. As she starred down, looking at all the broken pieces, she realized she no longer had any more words to offer, they to were meaningless.
If I was to dance my last dance, and grabbed your hand would you accept? Would you glance into my eyes as I continue to pull at your hand? Would you not look out of lust, but love, true love, love that makes your heart sing, love that makes your heart beat faster, love that makes your palms sweaty?
Would you do me the honor and share with me this last dance that I desire, that I long for? Would you walk with me to the dance floor side by side holding my hand? Scared, but happy deep down inside. As we face each other would you smile, smile so hard that the creases brought on by your smile melt my heart?
Would you tell me a joke to take the butterflies away, that we’d laugh so hard? Would you pause for a moment just to look into my eyes? Nervously you smile, and scratch the side of your head, as you look around the room.
Would you dance any song with me, A song that will let me be free, a song that will take us both away, a song that will lighten the mood, a song that will draw attention, but we would be in the moment that we wouldn’t even notice?
Would you let me press my breast softly against your chest as we slow dance? Would you pull me a little closer, to you? Would you lay your hand firmly against my waist so I would feel your warm touch?
As we dance would you let me place my head on your chest, as you kiss the top of my head? As I Iook up at you, with only the invitation of my eyes would you kiss me? When the dance comes to an end, and I tell you, I will forever cherish this dance, would you grab my hand and lead me off the dance floor?
Would you take me home, but tonight as we are both hypnotized tonight lead me to what you been waiting for? Would you lay me gently on our bed, letting my head slowly sink into your pillow and kiss my neck, my lips, then my neck again? Would you work your way down a little, to the top of my chest and lay your lips slowly on top kissing my breast as if it was the first, and last kiss you were going to give me forever.
Would you make love to me while our favorite song is playing in the background? As you would, I’d tilt my head up to the ceiling ,moving my hips up and down, and turn my head side to side. I would take hold of the sheets, with both hands, and scrunch them together gripping them tightly.As you go in to kiss me would, you let me bite your bottom lip, slowly pulling, before you start kissing me again? Would you make love so passionate that night it would leave us wanting more?
Lying next to each other would you make me laugh once more, while I turn to look at your smiling, and happy face? Would you make me laugh so hard that I cry? Rubbing my eyes, would you then kiss my forehead, as you get up? When I get out of the shower, and get dressed. I hear the music that’s playing. As I approach our room your standing near the bed to greet me. You grab my hand and whisper, “are you ready for your last dance. “
Desiree was planning a party for her two year old daughter. To have a party she needed all the basics, food, pop, candy bags, and she couldn’t forget the pinata. She thought the party would not be as fun, if a clown didn’t make an appearance. She talked it over with her husband who, agreed. She was determined she was going to get a clown. Even if her daughter was too little, to possibly remember. She just wanted the day to be special for her. Who could resist a big shoe, big nose, rainbow color hair, red smiling face clown? Even if you don’t rent one. Desiree, was putting a last few finishing touches onto the cupcakes. Her daughter Elena was running around excited, as well as all the other kids who were pumped with sugar. Desiree being the hostess with the mostess entertained the children with games like pin the tale on the donkey, water balloon toss, and also rented a jumping balloon. Other kids who did not participate in the events laughed, cried, wondered around doing what kids do, while the adults were busy feasting. They were gossiping, and talking about each others children. Desiree passed by and saw her mom and aunt talking. Shaking her her head she thought, let the competition begin.
A cousin of her’s showed up a little tipsy. Desiree smiled, thought great she could help me entertain the bunch. Everyone has that one loud family member, the one who is so bubbly that when you see them, your like yeah were use to it, but still need to keep a close eye on them. Desiree was worried because, she did put on the invitations that there would be no beer at her daughters party. Like the old potato chip saying, “You can’t just have one,” and that was the truth! Right under her nose her cousin Nadia sneaked in beer for herself, as well as other family members. Desiree lighten up, and decided to let them continue. On the terms they drank socially, and didn’t get out of hand. Hey, miracles can happen, but then again you don’t know her family. Night came before she knew , and everything was going good. The kids were still playing, the pinata was destroyed, there was still candy tucked around in the dirt, one of her tiles in the kitchen got cracked, by one of the kids. It was everything a party would, and should be, and of course kids were still jumping in the the jumping balloon.
Except there was this really big kid, massive in size. She was six feet tall, two hundred pounds exact, with a shoe size of eleven and, a half. Desiree looked towards her cousin Nadia annoyingly. Her cousin starring backed at her with some stupid kind of cool aid smile. While jumping and bobbing her head up, and down. She lifted her legs higher as she jumped, that the kids backed up into the corners. Until hiss, it went down as well as the kids in it. Parents rushed to get there kids out of it, kids crying it happen so fast, it was madness. She thought her cousins weight contributed to the inflation, but it was one of the clowns tools, a pocket knife. It was the one with all the cool gadgets, that can do anything. Well it punctured the balloon, the party was over, the tipsy clown was down for the count. Desiree was pretty convinced,and positive that she would never use that tispy clown again!
Anna woke up early, sluggish not sure what the day was going to bring her. Her energy was at a level one, slow motion. Slowly pacing she dragged her feet across the hall to the bathroom. She washed her face gently, and patted her face dry. While doing so, she inhaled the aroma of her dove soap. Anna looked up at the mirror coming to the realization, that although she wasn’t dead, she was zombified. She was pretty sure Halloween was two months away. Anna’s, on the bright side attitude still lingered some hope. She began to raise her right eyebrow, and again looked to the mirror. A lazy eye and soft swollen rose lips, that slightly frowned sideways, was just a glimpse of her beauty imperfections. These imperfections manifested throughout her oily face. Anna felt like she was in a trance she was, visually tooken back. She continued groping her face pulling and tugging at her skin. She gave herself a eye lift, raising the side of her eyebrow up, with her fingers. Examining some more, she finally came to terms with her reflection. She owned her lines of wisdom, scars of beauty, and imprints of strength. In a way she was mesmerize and couldn’t pull away from the mirror.
Drawing closer to the mirror she open her eyes as big as she could. As they slowly drooped back down again, she saw her own sadness in her eyes. An indecisive twitch suddenly appeared. She though maybe she was not getting enough sleep, numerous reasons crossed her mind. Fluttering every few seconds, perhaps her twitch was a metaphor for her kindred spirit. Maybe each moment that her eye twitched, it was a reel replaying over and over, every moment, every second, twitching away good, and bad chapters of her life. Maybe it twitched away her youth, her pain, life lessons. Maybe it twitched how hard Anna worked over the years. Just maybe it twitched a long devoted love, that faced many trial, and tribulations. That stood true, but hurt to long. Maybe it twitched because, that love brought on emptiness, and leaving was relevant. Maybe it twitched the countless nights that she hardly slept. Another moment for Anna of over thinking, over analyzing, and dramatic thoughts.
Shaken back to reality, by the sound of her cell phone alarm, Anna refocused, and prepared herself for work. Anna realized in the moments of clarity that she let life pass her by, and she did not notice all the little things like she thought she did. Anna knew she took herself for granted little by little for too long, and seen over the years what she wanted to see. She did love herself, not like any could love her or understand her. Anna embraced her true essence. She delicately pressed her favorite lip gloss against her lips, grabbed her lunch, and headed into her car. She turned on the radio and adjusted the side mirrors. A good song came on, and she started to bob her head, back and fourth. Her energy was renewed, her hope was restored, she was glowing. As she looked at the rear-view mirror it focused not just what was behind her, but also what was in front of her. A glance of only her lovely eyes, and soft, rose lips smiling away.